Moms and Dads at the Park

I took the children to the city park today and observed an unusual group: three stay-at-home dads and their offspring. Of course the park was filled with the usual other moms which included, the frazzled mother, the fit bod work-out all the time mom, a hot mom or two and an overweight mom. I sat down to watch my group and was seated not far from men….I didn’t mean to eaves-drop, it just happened. They began talking about what percentile their children were in for weight and height and then the topics changed to ADHD. One of the men was new to the group so I assumed this was all preliminary, get-to-know you talk, before moving into “man talk”. So as I was listening to the three men behind me, I kept expecting the conversation to move to different topics. During my thirty minutes at the park, the closest I heard the conversation diverge from parenting was when one mentioned re-doing his kitchen. I was amused when one of the father said to his daughter, “Go play, there are a ton of kids here and you are with me all day!” How many times have I voiced that to my own children or heard another exasperated mom say that?

This came two days after I spent a morning at my local park where I know the faces of the moms and kids. I am not one to engage people in a conversation a lot especially this particular group, simply because I know where it will go. The topics for the day were: food allergies, preschool admissions, and potty training….STIMULATING. I turned to my one friend that I have made through park visits and told her about my latest photography project of a shooting a favorite musician at a night club.

The question I have for myself and all the other park moms and dads (and the parents on my street too for that matter), is; "How long do we have to talk shop, and isn’t there something more to our lives than our kids?" I guess, being Thursday with a crying daycare baby on my lap (really!) I feel these moments more intensely. Also, maybe I was only cut out for this stay-at-home mom gig for a particular period of time. I know when it is over I will miss it, but until then, can’t we all just talk about something other than what size diaper you kid wears?

September 18, 2008

Influence

I keep spinning the same artist on the CD player, until I have nearly worn her two CDs out. Luckily a third arrived in the mail today, so there will be some relief on listening to the same songs over and over. I get to see her in concert in a few days at a small venue where I’m sure I’ll be able to meet her and chat with her. She also happens to be good friends with a dear friend of mine, so of course there is some commonality there.


In listening to her, she writes about a lot of the same things, primarily broken hearts, yet somehow she is able to create a new version of the same story each time. Of course I am sure that the story is different to her and involves different lovers, but I feel for her and am completely on her side of each of the break-ups. I relate to her lyrics and feel a lot of the same thoughts, or went through something similar ages ago.


So that leads me to this: How many different ways can I express my frustration in my current life? I know deep down, my life is not bad, and I should be savoring these times, yet I feel so trapped in my current responsibilities as a mother. And of course there is the guilt too. I feel like I should be giving my all to my children, but I am exhausted and beat down by the prospect. Then there comes the “what now” after I get these kids enrolled in school. I was speaking to another mom of two at the park today, whom I had just met. I asked if she had a career to go back to after she ends the stay-at-home mom routine or would she embark on something entirely new. She, like me, will try something new, mainly due to being a mother and needing to be close to home or in her case at home. I was hoping she would tell me what she was going to do, and then it would click and I would say, yeah, I want to do that too. I have no idea what to do in my future career. I would love to work in the arts, but the field is so small and pays a pittance. Then there is the photography field, but to be honest it scares me, doing it on my own as a career.


I had a few hours to myself this weekend and spent it at the bookstore. I purchased an old CD of artist that was new to me, and a pack of blank gift cards that looked like I would have designed and photographed them. I spent the majority of my time there roaming from section to section with the middle aged salesclerk asking if she could help me find anything. I felt like screaming, “Yeah how about a book that describes all that I am going through RIGHT NOW.” But instead I politely said, “I’m just looking”. So I started at the Women’s Health section, but I am neither battling cancer nor going through menopause. Then onto the Self-Help section, which whenever I approach I do so with the stance of “I’m looking for a book for a friend, not for me.” I was getting closer, but again there was nothing there that I wanted to read, even though maybe I need to read it. Honestly it is sort of a boring section with all of its eleven and twelve and probably even thirteen-step programs. So then I walked over to the Pregnancy/Motherhood section expecting to find a book written just for me. Nope. I remember when I used to peruse the books in that section, with so much hopefulness for my future baby. Of course there were plenty of books on raising boys, which I could and should use, but again, that doesn’t even really touch what I was looking for. I walked out of Borders thinking maybe I just need to write the book myself.